If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize