this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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