I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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