twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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