My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize