while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
