I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
