My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
