I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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