Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
