Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
