Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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