So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize