Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
