While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
