So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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