i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
it was like eating out sand paper
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
A bitchslap is in order.
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