I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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