dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ketchup is God's man juice
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
