While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
