If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
