she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize