exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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