ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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