i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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