I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
