I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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