billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
