Where did you get a picture of my penis
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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