I can tuck mytits in my pants
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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