It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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