If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
