I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
