he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
