Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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