thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
