well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
