seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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