Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
