They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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