yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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