Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
