toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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