Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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