In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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