im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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