i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
