just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
