We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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