god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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