airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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