Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
