Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
