i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
