brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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