Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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