she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
