Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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