I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
