I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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