I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
