Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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