oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am naked and annoyed.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
