she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
