I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
