Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
