I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize