he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
