Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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